memory lane

There are times that I wish time would stop for a while and that memories were tangible, so that I could take a slow, leisurely walk through the past experiences of my life. I picture myself walking through the classrooms of my youth, from one uniform to another, but only those two, taking in details that I’m sure I missed while I was there, noticing things I failed to appreciate and appreciating them now, in retrospect. There are things I would like to have done differently, given the lessons I’ve learned, and yet, it’s precisely because I made the decisions I did that I have learned these lessons. Still, I would like to go back and give myself a hug, a pat on the back, tell myself “it’s all going to be okay”, so that my past self would wake up feeling a sense of calm and comfort I was too silly, too many times, to ask for. I would be more careful about giving my heart away, more able to recognize the signs. I’d be more careful about taking others’ hearts, seeing it for what it is, rather than through the eyes of piteous low self-esteem, seeing only how amazing it is that someone is willing to share their life with me. I would be more careful about many things.

It will be like waking from a dream, unsure of what you dreamt, but feeling a strange, sure sense that you must be careful with the way you live your life. You must be careful.

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