back again

I know I’ve been pretty absent here. In the time between the previous post and this one, I’ve spent a week+ out of the country and have returned. More on that trip later.

I was taken away from the internet, from my non-existent handphone, from people that I want to meet up with (save for the people on the trip with me!); an act of God’s grace, I think. It’s always liberating to be free of these things. After every trip, I say that I want to keep that going, that I wish I could keep going on without internet, without email, without a phone… Sometimes, I’ve kept it up for a bit. Most of the time, though, as much as my inner person protests, I find myself drawn back to the computer, to the ipad, to the ipod, to all these wonderful things that keep me away from my journal and my books and my Bible.

Why? What is it about them that is so alluring? I think there are many things that could be said, but one thing in particular came to mind as I thought about it this morning. It has to do with the belief that I am a boring person, both by nature and if I am not doing these things. Journalling somehow doesn’t trend regularly on the list of “Top Things That Make You Cool”. It’s like:

A: What do you do with your time?

B: Sit around and write in a book.

A: Oh. That’s cool. (Not really.)

But you know, that isn’t true. There’s a lot that goes on in my journal that is exciting, but that no one sees. Maybe that’s why it seems boring. It isn’t something I can readily share with others. Some parts, yes, but others, not really. But if you think about it, this is my LIFE! In a book! If I read through all my old journals, I’ll see millions of stories unfolding, plots twisting, characters changing, endings left unwritten.

But I’m not here to brag about my precious journals. There really isn’t anything to brag about. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need to learn to see things as God sees them, not as the world sees them. Yeah, life lesson forever. But really, it makes all the difference.

If journalling (or reading or whatever else) is bringing me closer to God by helping me to process things and pay attention to the ways He is working in my life, why wouldn’t I willingly and joyfully spend time doing that? I need to start evaluating things based on whether they are helping me in my journey of faith, rather than whether people deem them worthy of my time. Jesus thought Zaccheus worthy of His time when no one else did.

Thinking about the summer before me, it’s a real luxury to have all this time on my hands. Sometimes I feel stupid when people ask me what I’m doing for the summer and all I have to say is that I’m going home. Not working, not earning any money, not doing any cool non-profit things in underdeveloped countries, not even volunteering somewhere… Gee, that’s lame. But while it might seem like I’m doing nothing, it doesn’t have to be that way. While it might seem like I’m wasting my college years, missing out on opportunities to travel and explore the West or to volunteer with amazing organizations and etc, the truth is that if I wanted to, I could pursue the greatest adventure of my life right here in Singapore. Right from my bed. It doesn’t matter where I am if I am pursuing God. True, I could be in Cambodia serving an orphanage or in Thailand helping to stop sex trafficking or helping with some other amazing humanitarian effort somewhere in the world and still be pursuing God. But we each have our personal journeys, and I feel that the place for me to be right now is right here. So I shouldn’t feel inferior because of it. I shouldn’t feel ashamed because I am not doing something that the world considers more exciting. All I have to do is be faithful with what I’ve been given, in the place I have been put.

Knowing You is always a worthwhile pursuit. I am so blessed and thankful for the opportunity to seek You without any other obligations… Sometimes that seems more difficult, but more about that another time. And anyway, maybe that’s the challenge and area I need to grow in for now.

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