tonight, i realized that i really love playing/singing for people (not really for, i guess) in the background… don’t get me wrong, i do enjoy being on stage, as well, but only when it’s truly a performance performance and people have come expecting that. i always feel awkward otherwise, like when i’m asked to sing something but it isn’t quite a performance setting and i feel like i’m just disturbing their lunch/dinner/meal/whatever.
i was supposed to help man the “music corner” at my friend’s 21st party tonight. but music was playing throughout, until she got everyone’s attention for a song she wanted to dedicate to them. and then everyone’s attention remained on the stage, and people were supposed to come up and sing and dedicate songs to her, but no one really was… they asked me to, but it was weird cos i couldn’t think of any songs i wanted to sing to her, and i didn’t want to just play random songs with people thinking that they need to watch me, cos that’s just weird.
but later on in the night, i just sat by the poolside with an old friend and my trusty (not so old) guitar, and played and sang some songs from the years gone by… no mics, no amps, no sparkles… just the music and our souls and the starless night sky. it was great. it was just like the old days in mg, when i served unofficially as the class jukebox. i deeply apologize for those who just wanted silence; you should’ve told me! i think, for the most part, because everyone is so nice and accepting and welcoming, it was fun and it just became a part of our class.. it certainly became what i was known for, amongst both students and teachers. but yeah, i was transported back to those days tonight, and wow, it was so relaxing, so liberating, so familiar, and so…comfortable. no pretenses, no worrying about whether people wanna hit me over the head with a rotten pineapple (or something else you would find in a classroom) or anything like that… just doing what i love, and being accepted, and even loved, for it. what a blessing. that safety and comfort is a big part of why mgs was so great for me, i think.
i have so many music memories related to mg… songs linked to people, to places… where has music gone in my life? if it has decreased that God might increase, i’m all for it. but if it has simply faded away, been swept into a corner to collect dust… something’s gotta be done. gotta recover that innocent love for it. stop worrying about sounding bad, stop worrying even about why i sing and why i play and how should i be doing this, what should i be doing with these talents… just sing, and love God, and sing, and love Him more. that’s all there is to it.
oh simple thing, where have you gone?