backdated: Sunday, 26 May 2013, 2.46am
“I’m sad, but…” – I was going to finish the sentence, but then I stopped. I hit backspace and deleted the “but,” replacing it with a period. I was sad. I didn’t need to give myself reasons not to be. Not yet, anyway. I had to remind myself that I am allowed to feel sad or hurt or disappointed every once in a while. Really feel.
We’re always so reasonable. Even if that reason doesn’t reflect our true feelings.
When did reason become something to hide behind? Why is it an expectation, a gauge of one’s intellect and sophistication? It’s not cool to cry. Screw that. No more “I’m sad, but…”s. No more “but”s. If you’re sad, be sad. Cry your eyes out. Let yourself feel the depth of that sadness with every heaving sob, each rise and fall of your shoulders as your lungs rehearse the patterns of breathing – faster and faster, as your heart goes into overdrive. Stop telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel sad” because “every cloud has a silver lining.” The silver lining doesn’t stop a cloud from raining. Neither should reason stop us from feeling.
It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Really.